What Sarah Said

What Sarah Said
by Death Cab For Cutie
And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?..

Why I like this song:
For me this song can seem depressing and sad for the situation that this person is in, but I love this song because it really can connect with you. Sitting in a hospital wing and waiting for results from a surgery, someone that was brought into the ER and have no idea what is happening. You notice the strange surroundings that you are in and you have no idea what is the ultimate decision as to what the verdict is.

Whoever Sarah is she truly saying something rather deep. If you truly care about someone, have sacrificed so much for them. Given them your time, emotions, care, and any other part of your worth. Now that one that you love so much could be dying. True love is sitting next to them until the end. That isnt easy. I myself honestly have never been there when someone has died, but have thought a lot of how I would take that and if I would be able to handle it. So who's going to watch you die? Who have you influenced in your life that you think would be there with you to the end? Did you sacrifice and give so much to someone that they love you that much in return? I hope to have to at least someone. No I don't have a wife yet, and no I dont have a girlfriend, but of the people that are close to me I hope that they have seen the sacrifice that I have done for them. The love I have for them, because there are a lot of them that I honestly would be there with them until the end. No matter what.

Feel free to comment on this song and see if there is anything else that reaches you in this song? anything you dont like? why dont you like it? why do you love it? Let me know. I'd love to read what you think!

Fix You by Coldplay

Fix You by Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above earth or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...


Tears stream, down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...


Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Why I love this song:

This song probably helped me through one of the toughest times in my life. I had just finished high school and was now trying to take steps to go on a mission. I had a lot of hardships and trials that i had to face and just thought that it was never going to end. I had to keep pushing forward and try to make the best of what i had. Whenever I felt down or sad, i would listen to this song. The Lyrics just fit so well with what i was trying to get through. I imagined the Savior as the one singing this song time. Trying as hard as i could to reach my goals, may get some things but not exactly what i needed at the time, feel like everything is going backwards. I knew that if i turned to him, walked toward his light, he would fix all that was ailing me. It was that simple. And i did that. Things didnt happen instantly for me but i did finally get to go out and serve my mission. I was so glad when i finally got to do that. Still to this day i love this song, and is probably my all time favorite from Coldplay. I know that as long as i put my faith and trust in my savior then everything will work out.....

I thought this would be a great introduction to the track list of music that has influenced me in my life. This is one of the biggest ones that has impacted me, in a spiritual and emotional way. Hopefully it can also bring answers to those that are seeking help when they feel alone like i did.

My New Project

Last night I was talking to my best friend and I was putting together some Cd's of some of my favorite songs. One song started to play that I hadn't heard in awhile and I got some inspiration! There have been so many different types of music that I have listened to, and been introduced to throughout the years I've been alive. I want to start posting these songs on here, a music video with lyrics, and then write about how its reached me in my life. I want to explain why I love that song, why I hate it, why it changed me and how it did. I think that it will be of benefit to me as well as others who may be interested in reading about it. I don't think that I have a lot of people reading my blog since I dont update it as often as i should, but I really feel that I need to do this.

So it's time to let this adventure begin! Soon I will be posting my first song, which I already have mentioned before in a previous post, but didn't fully explain why that song really has changed me. I hope you enjoy this as much as I probably will enjoy writing and finally putting down somewhere things that make me who I am. I never have done this before and there are only a few people that seem to know me for who I truly am. It's scary for me to do this and also exciting. Like I had said before Music is a big influence in my life. Now hopefully all of you will start to understand and see why...

Julie and Julia

Well this Labor Day weekend I was finally able to get out and see a movie. Work has just been crazy and had a lot going on, but I finally went out with my brother and Dad to see Julie and Julia. I swear we were the only guys there but it still was fun. We laughed a lot and I think that it had a great message

For those that have not seen a trailer or seen it, this story is about two women. Julia Child, and Julie who decides to make a blog about doing all of Julia Child's recipes. Each story is interconnected and transfers throughout the film and is done rather well. The story is engaging and has a lot of parts that can make you laugh. For sure you can see this is made for a woman audience, but us 3 guys got a lot of laughs out of it too. Meryl Streep does an awesome job with her role and you fully believe her to be Julia Child.

For sure this sparks a lot of thought on what things really can truly make us happy. This movie discusses it a lot and is something your mind is left to think about when its all over. You can see in here how Blogs have become such a big thing with how people love to talk about themselves and just what is going on in their lives, and the world is interested in it! Confirms for sure that the whole world is just interested in the world. And one of the great things too about it is that blogs can make you money or get you a little more recognition than you might have before.

With what i have been doing at work we actually have put together a thing where people can start a blog, or take one that they have already made and we teach them how to make money off of it. That is why i had that other blog put up. I kind of am a tester to see if the product is working and if i can make some money off of it. So far things have been pretty simple to put together and ive learned a lot about a Blog works and that you actually can make a little extra money in it or actually sell it if you want to and make some money that way. For anyone that is interested you can check out our site here. You get a 3 day trial to see if you like what we have and if you dont like it then no worries you're finished :) but if you want to keep using it its only 40 bucks to have the videos there to have as reference whenever you need them as well as a free blog if you dont have one set up yet. Cool stuff for sure!

If anyone tries it out let me know what you think and i can probably answer any questions you might have too! Well its late and im going to head to bed. so ill will talk to you all later, hopefully ill be seeing another movie sooner than the last gap that we had. I for sure will post my review on here.

Another Blog

So it has been a little bit since i have posted anything on here, reason being i have been really busy at work trying to get this new product going. Its a program that helps people learn how to make a blog and make money off of it. the site is Secrets of Blogging and i've been trying it out for myself. Right now i have another blog set up called Utah Valley Guru that im trying to work on getting some great information about Utah Valley on there for people to see what is happening in the Valley and what cool places there are to go to. So check it out and let me know what you think. If its crap, let me know why its crap. if its good let me know what makes it good. Thanks so much guys for your all you do for me! hope ya'll have an awesome day!

-Jordan

My Sister's Keeper

One thing that I have mentioned before is that besides music, film is by far one of the things that i love and enjoy the most. I'll be posting later about the movies I do have and why i have them (my collection is over 400 at the moment) and i thought that it'd be nice to give my 2 cents for the movie that i saw last night My Sister's Keeper



Abigale Breslen and Cameron Diaz star in this film about a family that is struggling to help the oldest daughter, Kate's, fight with leukemia. Abigale plays the younger daughter, Anna, who was genetically designed to help her sister by donating her blood, bone-marrow, whatever was needed so that her older sister could survive. Anna is fed up with it all and decided that she wants to sue her parents so that she could have the right to decide that she has her own body. She meets up with a TV Attorney played by Alec Baldwin, and he takes the case. She loves her sister, but tells her family that she wants to decide for herself if she wants to donate parts of her body to her sister.

Throughout the film there are cut-scenes about the history of the family and how each member is effected by Kate and how they have to struggle together to keep her alive. A lot of ups and downs are witnessed and you truly start to feel the struggle that the family is suffering. Most everyone who sees this movie will find someone that they can connect with in the family, you sense their feelings of wanting control but that they can't have it and that the disease truly does effect everyone around it.

For me being a cancer survivor and not being at an age that i could fully understand what pain and suffering it effects the family this truly hit home with me. I understood more what my mom and dad went through, how everyone in my family tried to feel positive, but they all knew deep down that there was a big chance that i wouldn't make it. This film is all about relationships, those with family, friends, and trying to keep it all together while a big mess is in the middle of the floor that no one seems to know how to clean up. It helped me realize more how much those relationships can mean to others, and how life is something that we all need to cherish.

I never have set up a rating system on films that i have seen over the years, but i would put this one higher up there on my list of great films. For sure you need to be in the right mindset to see this film and those that won't take it with much maturity will for sure not get the message the filmmakers and author of the original book were trying to get across. There is a lot of quiet moments where the music just plays and you watch what is going on and it gives you time to ponder and think about a situation of someone suffering with cancer that you might know about, or some other hard experience that you are going through and how you are facing it. You truly see the struggle and the hope and the tears this family suffers.

I wouldn't mind seeing My Sister's Keeper again, but for sure i wouldnt have my mom with me just because i know it would bring back a lot of the pain and struggle she suffered through when i was going through my own fight.


This movie to me is the ultimate reason why i love film so much. There are films that have a sad ending and others that have a happy ending and the stories arent always comfortable for you to sit through. but there is purpose to that. They want you to think, they want you to realize the reality of things that happen in this world and that it doesnt always end up the way that you want it to. To kind of tie religion into this God sometimes makes us suffer because he loves us. Take the example of someone suffereing through cancer, they are poked and prodded, and are in a lot of pain, but they go through it because in the end it will make them better. That is how God is when he gives us our struggle and trials. He knows we will be better come the end of it, we learn more from it and can become stronger.

Its a lame metaphor but that is kind of what happens when we go through a hard movie. Saints and Soldiers, Saving Private Ryan, and others aren't always easy to sit through, but then the message hits you harder, the concept they want you to understand hits you harder and affects you more. That is why i love movies, hopefully someday i might be able to bring about a message that will hit and change someone's life but i dont know when that will be.

So there is my 2 cents for My Sister's Keeper. I'll try to post more reviews on here for films i have seen and what i think about them. Have an awesome day!

Sweet Video

Strawberry Swing Video This is Coldplay's new video for one of their songs Strawberry Swing

My Favorite Music

Those of you know me know that music is one of the most influential things that I have in my life. I always want to be listening to music or have something going on in the background while im working on a project or just hanging around at home. There are those quiet moments that I love to have alone to read or just think about whatever is on my mind, but music for sure is something I always need more of and am open to listening to just about anything.

One of my favorite bands is Coldplay. The Alternative scene for sure is my favorite genre of music and its great to know that Coldplay along with other bands have kept it going past the 90's. In the article that i posted they didnt put in it something else that i had mentioned in my talk. While going through getting my teeth taken care of there was a song by Coldplay that actually kept me going some days. The song is from their X&Y album, which is probably one of my all time favorite albums, and the song is called Fix You. Through all of my trials and frustrations this song really hit me. I felt like it was the Savior singing it to me just because it matched so much what i was feeling and how He seemed to be the only one that understood me. Here is the Lyrics

Fix You
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down on your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

For me the lines here at the end hit me the most. I will try to fix you. I knew that i needed to be fixed, with this whole teeth thing and other stuff, but there was a part of me that needed to work at it too. He could heal me, but he could only try when i let him.

So that song has a lot of personal feelings towards it for me. Hopefully someday i can sit down and teach myself music and possibly write down my own thoughts and feelings that could be made into song, but that really isnt something i can see me doing right now with other things that are going on.

For those of you that maybe like some of coldplay's stuff or are interested in what they are like, for this tour that they are on right now they actually released a free album you can download from their site. It has live performances of a lot of their songs and for sure is worth it to download if you like. Here is the link: LeftRightLeftRightLeft

I'm always open to hearing new stuff so if anyone has suggestions let me know. Music is one of my passions but not as much as movies are, ill be posting about that later...

Post #1

Well finally I've decided to get another blog set up to kind of give everyone an update on what it is that I'm doing and everything now that I am off my mission and trying to get back into normal life.

Might as well just make this one a little introduction about me so, what I thought id do is post the article that was written before my mission, just so people can get an idea of where I'm coming from.



"OREM--Jordan Colton opened his final church talk before leaving on his two-year Latter-day Saint mission with a lie.

"Those of you who know me know how little experience I have had with adversity," he said. "OK, that's a lie."

Some people have even told him that he has dealt with more adversity than most in his 21 years of life.

But he said he would not be able to tell the difference.

"I just take things as they come and try my best to turn to the Lord for his guidance, love and support," he told his Aspen 5th Ward of the Aspen Orem Stake days before he left to train for missionary service in the North Carolina Charlotte Mission.


Colton's positive attitude has beamed brightly through his "smiling eyes" since he was 4 years old, said his mother, Cathy Colton. It was at this time that Jordan Colton's battle with adversity began.

One day, while his mother was giving him a bath, she found a lump on the left side of his neck, Jordan explained in his talk.

"Being a concerned mother, she went to my pediatrician, and he said it was probably an infection and gave my mom some antibiotics that would solve the problem," Jordan said.

But the lump only got bigger.

Cathy Colton, described as a "spiritual giant" by her son, knelt and asked the Lord what she should do to help her little boy. She said the inspiration came to take him to Primary Children's Hospital. But she did not know what department to take him to when she got there, so she prayed again. Once more, an answer came: oncology.

"No!" she thought at the time. "That means cancer!"

Jordan said that after a day of testing at Primary Children's, he was diagnosed with rhabdomyosarcoma, an aggressive and highly malignant cancer of the soft tissue. His parents were told that he would have a 35 percent long-term chance of making it to his 10th birthday because of the size and location of the tumor, Jordan said.

Jordan underwent chemotherapy and radiation treatments for a year. Doctors told his parents in the beginning that there would be long-term side effects from the treatments, including scarring, growth issues and complications with his teeth because of the location of the cancer.

"My parents put their faith and trust in the Lord and went through with the treatments," Jordan said. "Hence why I am still here today."

Although Jordan has been cancer-free for 16 years, he said the side effects from the treatments have "come into fruition."

The first was a hole in his left eardrum.

"I had a tube placed in my left ear right before the cancer was diagnosed," he said. "When the left side of my head received radiation, that little tube would heat up and it eventually seared a hole in my eardrum." That hole has been patched twice since. Jordan said it's a blessing that he still has his hearing in that ear.

Cathy explained that Jordan's throat was so damaged by the treatment that he had to have a feeding tube inserted so he could eat.

The major side effect Jordan said he has been dealing with has been his teeth.

Because he was only 4 years old when treatment began, the majority of his permanent teeth were still little buds in his jaw, he said. To keep his face symmetrical, both sides of his face were radiated. The radiation killed the cancer cells but also killed the tooth buds.

"The radiation and chemotherapy basically destroyed the roots of those teeth, and I was bound to lose them a lot sooner than the average person," Jordan said. All of his baby teeth developed radiation cavities and had to be capped.

"We hoped those little teeth would hold up," he said.

The Coltons searched for specialists to help Jordan's case and were told he would have to finish growing before they could create a permanent solution. So they put a brace behind his top teeth so they could support one another. This brace was supposed to last until he turned 16 or 17.

To help with his growth, Jordan started growth hormone treatments, and after about two years, he said he grew 2 1/2 inches, putting him just over 5 feet, which is his current height.

When he, his doctors and parents felt he was finished growing, they focused on his teeth. It was about this time--when Jordan was a teenager--that his father, who was working as a business analyst, lost his job.

"In some ways, (losing the job) was harder than Jordan's cancer," Cathy said.

"We were put into a different situation without insurance, and we had to find someone who had experience with cases such as mine," Jordan said.

This time in his life was particularly hard, he said.

"Throughout high school, it was a struggle," Jordan said. "I tried to hide how much of a struggle it was for me. Every time we thought we had found a solution, it ended up not working. In blessings from my dad, I was told that I would serve a mission and that eventually it would work out, but honestly, I did not feel like it was going to happen."

When he graduated from Timpanogos High School in 2005, Jordan still had his original teeth, which had lasted a year longer than doctors said they would.

By this time, the Coltons had finally found a doctor in Salt Lake City who had worked with radiation treatment patients and was willing to place implants in Jordan's mouth. The implants would act as roots for the crowns that would be his teeth, he said. The only problem the Coltons had was figuring out how to pay for the surgery.

At the time, Jordan home-taught a woman in his ward who was always interested in the progress with his teeth and whether he was able to go on a mission yet.

"Each time (I home-taught) I had to tell her that progress was slow and I was still trying to take it a day at a time," Jordan said. "We were still struggling to make ends meet. (This sister) was a woman of great connections and she pulled some strings to have my implants paid for."

Cathy said the woman did not want her name or connections printed in the newspaper.

"Sadly, (she) died and she never got to see the final results," Jordan said. "But after she had passed away and was buried in the Orem Cemetery, I went to her gravesite and thanked her for what she had done for me. And I asked that if she had any more influence, maybe she could help us with the final procedure (placing crowns over the implants) so that I could serve a mission."

Jordan said he got his final request from her.

The Coltons found a dentist who, "out of the kindness of his heart" pulled some strings to lower the cost of the crowns, Jordan said. But the Coltons still needed money.

"(This sister) must have had some influence even on the other side because in a very small amount of time, while I was at work, my dad came over and placed an envelope on my desk. I opened it up and it was a check from the same people who had helped with the implants, who had now given us the money that would pay for most of the crowns. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I hugged (my dad) and then called my mom to tell her the good news. It was enough to get the procedure rolling."

Jordan said an "anonymous angel" took care of the final bit of cost for the procedure, and he thanked whoever that might be during his talk.

"If you are in this room right now, I do hope that you know how much I appreciate that sacrifice in my behalf," he said. "I want you to know that I will always be grateful and will never forget that selfless sacrifice you made for me. It has made me want to become a better man and will make me a better missionary."

The procedure was completed in November. Jordan received his mission call in January, and left the Provo Missionary Training Center for North Carolina on May 14.

"At times it has felt like an eternity going through this whole experience. I really had doubts about my chances of going on a mission," Jordan said. He said he set his goal of fulfilling a mission when he was a Primary child.

He said his adversity--as well as anyone's adversity--can be made bearable with the Lord's help.

"(Adversity) is going to be really hard at times, so much that you think you just can't handle it anymore, at least it was in my experience," he said. "But just remember that the Lord will not give you more than you can handle. That is such a great comfort. It really did help me through these past three years before I was finally able to get my (mission) call and accomplish this goal."

Cathy said she knows the Savior's love for Jordan, and knows that Jordan also understands it. This knowledge of the Savior's love has helped the Colton family through hard times.

Cathy related an experience she and Jordan had when he was very young and trying to understand his sickness. She said she was praying one night for Jordan to feel comforted. Soon after her prayer, Jordan came to her and told her he had a dream about the Savior. He said that in his dream, the Savior came to him, held Jordan in his lap and told him that he would be OK. Cathy said Jordan was able to reflect on this dream whenever he was having a hard time.

"The Lord's hand was in all of it," she said.

Jordan ended his talk by also acknowledging the Lord's hand as well as others who helped him along the way.

"Throughout this whole experience, I know I could not have done it without the love and support from my close friends, my family and especially the Lord," Jordan said. "It was a very humbling time, and I truly learned patience and how we can gain experience through adversity. I am reminded of what the Lord told the Prophet Joseph (Smith) while he was in prison."



He then read from the Doctrine and Covenants 121:7: "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment."

http://mormontimes.com/mormon_living/mission_life/?id=2989